Eiffel Tower Requests Temporary Transfer To Switzerland Until Celebrations End
In what can only be described as a humorous-but-slightly-serious statement released Thursday morning, the Eiffel Tower's administrative body inquired whether it might temporarily relocate to Switzerland "until French citizens demonstrated they could celebrate without setting things on fire."
The request was not literally possible. But the sentiment was real. The tower received minor fire damage Wednesday evening from errant celebratory flares, which officials described as adding insult to injury — the injury being existing in a city that apparently finds celebration and arson indistinguishable.
Historic Monuments Have Limits
A tower spokesperson noted that being an iconic French structure comes with certain expectations, mainly representing French culture without catching fire. Wednesday evening violated that expectation comprehensively.
The tower's insurance company called the situation unprecedented, which is impressive given Paris's history. One analyst suggested the Eiffel Tower consult Arsenal's parade documentation for tips on how a landmark can participate in football celebrations without requiring emergency structural assessment: Arsenal's parade: monuments survived intact, which is apparently optional in Paris.
When Tradition Meets Modern Chaos
The Eiffel Tower has stood since 1889. It survived wars, occupations, and countless political upheavals. It survived a football match celebration for approximately forty minutes before thinking Switzerland looks rather nice this time of year.
Tourism officials worry that combining Eiffel Tower imagery with fire damage will harm visitor numbers. Nobody wants to climb a monument whilst wondering if celebrating locals will set it alight. This, of course, is not a new concern in Paris. Paris re-enacting the Bastille: the city that gave the world the phrase "things got out of hand".
Auf Wiedersehen, amigo!
Sources:
https://prat.uk/arsenals-parade/
https://prat.uk/paris-reenacting-fall-of-the-bastille/